Good vs. Evil

I need a "Pat Robertson Protein Shake".
Bill O'Reilly is The Horror.

Why I love the Patriots #4,735

Because they know how to haze rooks!

The only thing better than making a rookie wear a wristband that says "My Dick Is Tiny Too" is having the Globe take the photo and publish it with the caption “The Patriots are refining Kevin O’Connell’s mechanics, but they believe he has the tools to be a top-flight quarterback.”

Haven't busted a gut yet? For those who didn't catch it in the Sunday edition, the editors then ran an apology reading "Editor’s note: A photo on Page C6 in Sunday’s Sports section showed Patriots rookie quarterback Kevin O’Connell wearing a wristband with inappropriate language written on it. The photo did not meet the Globe’s journalistic standards and should not have been published."

You can't make this shit up. I almost hope KOC ends up somewhere else so I can bring this picture back in 5 years and gloat for having wasted hard drive space for all that time.

The Pick Up Artist

Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. Why you look lovely tonight. Yes...that's correct...I am your Commander In Chief...know what I mean? I thought you did. You look intelligently dressed. Is that an Anne Tyler? I was just kidding...I knew it was Taylor. I like to tell jokes...know what I mean? I thought you did. By the way, you know I'm the President...right? Right-O. You look smart in that outfit, and I'm kind of a big deal.
Did you see me on TV this morning? Yup...just got back from the Ranch. It's important to take vacations. Last month I had to go to the Mid-East. That's the Middle East for civilians. Gotta protect the oil...know what I mean? Otherwise, my constituents will be knocking at my door. Just kidding...but really, they will be. You see, I'm from Texas. You knew that? I thought you did. That's a smart-looking hat you're wearing.
What's that? What am I doing here? Hey hon...even the Leader of the Free World has to unwind after a long day. Huh? What did I do today? Fightin' terrorists...protecting American interests...you see, the economy is growing, productivity is high, trade is up, people are working. It's not as good as we'd like, but-and to the extent that we find weakness, we'll move. Yup...I know that didn't make sense. It's part of my job...to not make sense...sometimes...remember,
I'm protecting American interests.
Can I get you another drink? What is that? A cosmopolitan? You like the Sex in the City...right? You know...the girls...in the city? Lot's of sex, that's funny. No, I've never seen it.
I like Kevin Costner. Did you ever see "The Bodyguard"? Man, I love that movie. Sometimes I pretend I'm protecting Whitney Houston. It really freaks her out. What an actor. And "Waterworld". Trust me. In ten years I'm gonna be on one of those "Waterworld" boats. I already had it made. It's called "Waterworld Boat One"...get it...but I probably won't need it. My buddy, Karl Rove, told me global warming wasn't real. He gets all the chicks, and he's pretty smart. You are too. I hope it's not true. I like them polar bears. Growl...know what I mean? You like animals? I bet you do.
What's that, you have to go? You should stick around. I'll get you another sex in the city. I can give you a ride home. I got a limo. You ever ride in a limo? I'm kind of important, so I get a limo. How about it? Some champagne...I got some Wham in the tape deck. You like Wham? I love Andrew Ridgeley. No...not George Michael...the other one. Andrew Ridgeley. He married Keren Woodward of Bananarama. Andrew Ridgeley.
Yup, those guys are with me...the ones in the suits. I make them wear those sunglasses, even at night. Frank Farmer always wore sunglasses. Who's Frank? That's the name of Kevin Costner in "The Bodyguard". Fantastic movie. Should have got the Oscar. Maybe they can still get it. Cheney knows some people. That's right, Dick. Man, he can drink! Talk about putting 'em down! I wonder if he went to Dartmouth? Or maybe Arizona State. Anyways...
Oh...you're leaving. Work tomorrow? What do you do? Really? Let me tell you something hon, and I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I'm the President...the Head Honcho...so it's cool, you know what I mean? I thought you did. Your hat is smart-looking, just like you. What was I talking about? Was it the economy? I'm sorry...this Wild Turkey is starting to make me gobble...get it...I like to tell jokes.
Do you need a ride home? Laura? Laura who? Oh Laura! Why, is she here!? She thinks I'm at some Illuminati meeting. Huh? That's funny. You're really funny. Your jokes make me laugh. Your jokes match your eyes. I understand. Well, I hope to see you again sometime. Maybe the next Pro-Life rally or Evangelical Speaking-in-tongues weekend getaway. Sounds good. Good night, good night, parting with you, makes me blue...that's Shakespeare...Bill Shakespeare. No, I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. Good night Miss Anne Tyler.

Flawless Victory

Just when you thought grumpy old ladies couldn't get any cooler, this old bat fucking rocks it. The best part is that she looks like she fell asleep in the middle of the road before the asshat honks!

Way cool, or way too much time on his hands?

I'll leave the judgment to others here...but I'm pretty sure the answer is both. Thank god for a modern society that leaves nerds the extra time to work on shit that the rest of us can pay stupid amounts of money to enjoy but bring us absolutely no real value. Plus it looks straight up badass.

I've never been more proud of my wife!

OK, so my wife isn't much of a sports fan. In fact, she's pretty much the opposite. But I feel like a proud parent; they just showed a picture of the Manjudas and she instantly says "Mangina" and laughs. I've never said it around her. I've never complained about what a backstabbing overrated piece of lard he is. She just "knew". I'm beaming right now. Seriously. Being a sports husband just doesn't get better than this.

"Red Belt"

OK, in the ongoing saga of "Best Dramatic Writer/Director Ever", David Mamet has throttled me yet again. If you can, rent it, watch it, enjoy. David Mamet plus Mixed Martial Arts = Best 2 hours I've spent in a long time. Action plus real dialogue and plot, who knew it could happen. This movie flat out fucking rocked it.

Shoes

Was this made in Germany? That would make more sense. On occasion, I have been made to accompany my significant other in the purchasing of shoes. I would much rather receive a punch on the back of my neck by someone holding a roll of quarters...or perhaps a swift kick at the base of my spine by a disgruntled postal employee wearing golf cleats.

Sarah Palin vs. Kick in the Groin?

It was a relatively easy decision for me to make.

"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?" --Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co", July 2008

"A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one though who would attribute it to being man-made." –Sarah Palin, dismissing global warming as influenced by human activity, Newsmax interview; August 29, 2008

Shaun of the Dead

During these difficult times, it's always important to remind ourselves that joy can still be found in the world. Here's a sample. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the comedic genius of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost.

Farting Preacher...again

OK, Farting Preacher is just so funny, I really think I might put him on every day or two. There really isn't anything better than a windbag being mocked.

Wrong and...wrong!

The only thing worse than being so fat you get stuck in a Lamborghini is being so fat you get stuck in a Lamborghini Replica.

EPIC FAIL

Seriously, are you fucking kidding me? How the fuck is she our "backup plan" if the old bastard gets elected and croaks while he's all hopped up on Viagra banging his hot cougar wife (or hot cougar Vice President for that matter)? This convinced me how people ended up making the Emperor and Vader the ruling body of the universe...they were up against McCain and Palin.

Jesus Wept

Numero Uno (press 1 for Enrish)

OK Douches and Douchettes, welcome to the inaugural post at GrumpyBottom.com. Here you will find nothing of value to anyone but the authors, so help me God. Ole Nater and myself (and anybody else who wants a platform to shout at at legion of blankly staring lemmings) plan on coming here and using it as a gigantic toilet in which to unload steaming pile after steaming pile of mental diarrhea. So have at it bitches. If you don't like what you see, we're thrilled. If you do, we're a little worried.